I did not want to write about the topic of the recent brutal rape in Delhi as it was all over the world press, and sincerely felt that Nirbhaya would survive the ordeal. Saddened by her death, but a positive glimmer of hope is that her demise will make people come out in the open without fear (Nirbhaya translates to fearlessness) and protest against this social evil. Delhi is the rape capital of the world, shame on the city. Many parts of India are not far behind, shame on the country. This is not an issue with India alone, it happens in many parts of the world, and in most places it is taken for granted and news is swept under the carpet. It happens even in western nations, so let us not think it is something that happens only in the third world and illiterate parts of the world. Shame on the world. Men are responsible for rape, period…, shame on all men. That does not leave women without blame too (will get to that in a minute), so shame on the entire humanity. Messages and protests all over India and on the web blame the government, but in this case it is the individuals and society that is to be blamed more, read on to know why. What I write might not please everyone, but I prefer to be blunt about such topics, and it is also from small experiences that might explain the callousness with which men, and society at large, treat women.
We hear of rape incidents on a regular basis in Delhi, official figures put it at around 2 every day, one does not know what the unofficial numbers are as most cases don’t go reported for fear of social stigma, and of fear of being raped further by the police (as has happened in recent times). Statistics can cover the true picture too, many states don’t have good reporting on these crimes and hence might look like better with incidents of rape, which is quite far from the truth. Why does this happen a lot on India?, the rate has doubled in the last 20 years, that too when Indians have more access to education and upward mobility. The reasons can be many, including much bigger population, easy access to drugs/alcohol, girls being more outward, easy access to money for youngsters, increased reporting of rape cases, and a general decrease of moral/cultural values. Can one tackle all of this? Quite difficult I’d say, especially in a nation that is seeing huge chaotic growth and upward mobility, along with an inefficient corrupt government in place that is at best reactionary.
The biggest issue that is the root cause of most rapes is in the minds of men. The fact is that some guys feel they can do anything to a girl, and more so if she dresses in a certain way or behaves in a certain manner. People even go to the extent of blaming girls for the incidents, and maybe Nirbhaya would have been fine if she had chosen to stay at home during after evening hours, but that is a shameless way to deal with it. I can give an example of the mental outlook of youngsters in Kerala, which is the most socially forward state in India and one of the few states where the sex ratio tilts towards women (so very little female infanticides). It is also a state which has the highest employment (and literacy) rates amongst women. Kerala’s social development, especially related to women issues, is attributed to a matriarchal structure where women enjoy power. This does not make Kerala any good in terms of crimes against women, in fact it is notorious in many ways. I have lived most of my life in Chennai, a very conservative society, but some of what I mention below is true to Chennai as well.
I did my engineering in one of the 8 engineering colleges during that time in Kerala (now it probably has more than a 100). So my fellow students can be termed as being in the upper crop of the populace in terms of education/literacy. I was shocked at the attitude of the guys to the girls, including to their fellow classmates. Again, I am not generalizing, but there was a good percentage that indulged in (or were supportive of) such behavior that it is worth mentioning. One of the pleasures they indulged in was to go to places where there is a lot of crowd (buses during peak hrs, places of worship during festival time, hot spots of travel) for the purpose to have physical contact using elbows or fingers on certain body parts. Many of us found it disgusting and beneath human nature, and have said so in no uncertain terms. I for one have a mother and a younger sister in my family, and both of them I was quite close with. So it was unimaginable to me that guys would do this. I even remember asking one of the guys who was talking with pride of his exploits if he’d do this to his own people (family, relatives and close friends), obviously they did not like my comment. Most of these guys have mothers and sisters, and are also one of the first guys to show a nice side to girl classmates and likes talking to them. It is maybe a coincidence (divine coincidence?) that most of these guys are now married and have daughters. Please don’t jump to conclusions here on everyone having a daughter, it was just based on an interesting observation from a minute sample of the population.
Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that a lot of guys during my time did not care about genuinely protecting women and they treated them as objects at times. While fondling is not rape, it is still doing something against the girls wish. This is of individuals who are well educated and further on most of them went on to do quite well in life professionally (and maybe personally too). Some of them were otherwise nice guys too, and were guys that girls thought of highly as well. I had even talked to some female friends, with whom I could talk about such topics, and they have all told me that they have been subjected to this sort of behavior at sometime or the other. They hate when that happens, but fear social stigma or retaliation and hence suffer silently and try to protect themselves to the best of what they can do. While the guys who do this might not do it to their mothers, sisters and daughters, but leave them at the mercy of their friends or brethren to exploit. I sincerely hoped that things would have improved over the past 15-20 years, but clearly it has not, and this was also highlighted in a recent Malayalam movie with a social message. There was also a very recent brutal rape incident on a train that garnered a lot media attention (and just that). So if this is the state of affairs with the educated populace in the most socially forward state in India, you can guess what it is with most other parts. Now, don’t think of me as a saint (which I am not), but I can assure you that the majority of the guys are like me and don’t approve of such acts, but there is a good portion of guys (maybe between 10%-20%) who are out there that I would not agree with on such topics.
So how best can this be tackled? I’d put the onus of responsibility on individuals and institutions. As we often say, everything starts at home and this is very true here as well. Starting with parents of boys who should instill good values in their sons because that is where the root cause is. It is shameful that the first preventive measure our society talks about is to advice girls to not venture out and to dress in fully covered clothing. Does doing the contrary give a free ride to anyone to rape a girl? Instead mothers (this is why I said at the beginning that women have to be blamed too) should tell their sons that they do not harm other girls as someone else will then harm his own, and that it is beneath human decency. The same with sisters and fathers too, who should talk to their own. On friends who should persuade friends to not do such acts. For the leaders to pass bills that provide for strict laws and harsh punishments. On the law to persecute severely for any such acts, atleast that will act as a deterrence by fear, if not by morality/decency. For the police to encourage reporting and dealing with such victims in a more humane manner. Finally to the girls, If it helps try not to go to risky places at night as you don’t live in a perfect world. You can do that in a place like Singapore and no one will harm you, but most places are not Singapore and Delhi for sure is not. It is shameful to give that advice, but if that can avoid more such incidents it is worth it. Finally, you girls should violently protest even if it is a small physical act against you, have to be Nir-bhaya literally or else more girls will end up like Nirbhaya. Please don’t let that happen.
-Ramanuja Iyer
PS: On a lighter note, it might be best to have curfew of guys not to venture out of homes after 8pm at night, that will ensure no rape happens after dark :-) .
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